OK, I'm going to try to list all the things that are going on in my life right now. Hopefully if I write them all, they will be more organized in my mind. We'll see.
I desperately need to clean my car and my apartment, especially the bathroom & kitchen. I need to organize my apartment, especially since I am planning to move in a month. I have lots of stacks of papers sitting around that are things I need to deal with. My goal here is to prioritize what things are most important, what things are less important, and what things I shouldn't even waste time thinking about.
My goal in quitting teaching this year was to have more time and energy to devote to several other things. One main thing was music ministry-- writing music, practicing music and networking so I have more chances to share my music. Most of the other things revolve around taking better care of myself so I am able to do more for God-- healthy sleep, eating & exercise habits; more time in the Word & in prayer; more reading & journaling to increase emotional health & stability. Those are really some hefty plans. And following through on them requires not only commitment, but also wisdom to know the most effective and efficient ways to pursue those goals; for example: What exercise habits will be most healthy? What books should I read? And so on.
And of course, there is the fact that I will need income before my summer pay runs out. So in the midst of preparing for music ministry opportunities, pursuing those opportunities, establishing healthier life habits, de-cluttering my life, and preparing to move, I also need to start looking for actual employment. So add that to the list.
Well, I've already decided that this week is a week to chill out & not push myself to get a lot of things done, a week to recover from the whole school year. So the next couple days are a perfect time to think & pray about these issues and make plans for the next few weeks.
OK, I'm off to finish up the last of the last things at school. I will be turning in my laptop & my keys & checking out for good. Then the new chapter can truly start! I am ready to put the last chapter behind me!
Peace, y'all.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Terminator/Star Trek **SPOILER ALERT**
I went to the drive in theatre last night w/some friends after getting back from our church group retreat that afternoon. We saw Terminator: Salvation and Start Trek (but left before Ghosts of Girlfriends Past showed). I really enjoyed both of the movies we saw.
I think Terminator had a really good message of what it is that makes us human-- things like compassion and the power to choose what kind of people we will be, which "side" we will be on, if you will. Not to mention the themes of second chances (redemption) and sacrificing one's self for others.
I also enjoyed Star Trek. I'm certainly not a Trekkie, so "true fans" may disagree w/me, but I thought the plot line they chose was brilliant. It allowed the writers to make a prequel and explore the origins of the characters and relationships we are so familiar with, but also opened up the door for them to have complete freedom to change many of the facts from the TV series and previous movies. This made the plot much less predictable than a typical prequel. I was thinking, "Well, they can't destroy Vulcan b/c Spock is on Vulcan in Star Trek III, I'm pretty sure." And also, "Spock's mom must be saved somehow, b/c I KNOW she is in some of the movies." But thanks to their clever twist of plot, I WAS WRONG!!
Anyway, I thought that was very smart of them b/c it leaves the door open for them to go in whatever direction they want w/future movies in the franchise. They really aren't limited now by anything that's happened in the earlier-made movies b/c they are in a different "time stream."
BRILLIANT!
Well, hope you enjoyed my brief movie reviews here; it was nice to write about something besides myself! ;-)
Peace.
I think Terminator had a really good message of what it is that makes us human-- things like compassion and the power to choose what kind of people we will be, which "side" we will be on, if you will. Not to mention the themes of second chances (redemption) and sacrificing one's self for others.
I also enjoyed Star Trek. I'm certainly not a Trekkie, so "true fans" may disagree w/me, but I thought the plot line they chose was brilliant. It allowed the writers to make a prequel and explore the origins of the characters and relationships we are so familiar with, but also opened up the door for them to have complete freedom to change many of the facts from the TV series and previous movies. This made the plot much less predictable than a typical prequel. I was thinking, "Well, they can't destroy Vulcan b/c Spock is on Vulcan in Star Trek III, I'm pretty sure." And also, "Spock's mom must be saved somehow, b/c I KNOW she is in some of the movies." But thanks to their clever twist of plot, I WAS WRONG!!
Anyway, I thought that was very smart of them b/c it leaves the door open for them to go in whatever direction they want w/future movies in the franchise. They really aren't limited now by anything that's happened in the earlier-made movies b/c they are in a different "time stream."
BRILLIANT!
Well, hope you enjoyed my brief movie reviews here; it was nice to write about something besides myself! ;-)
Peace.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Back from Retreat to my Old Self
Just got back from a great retreat. Heard great teachings on intimacy w/God through personal prayer times, The Lord is my Refuge, the importance of sharing my faith w/others, and surrendering to God's plans. Great time w/friends.
But now I'm back home to find that my car that's been fixed twice still doesn't work properly. And I quickly lost my temper and said things I wouldn't want anyone to hear me say.
You know, when I was a kid I would NEVER swear. I remember when I was maybe eight or nine, I went through a phase of calling my younger sister Michele "Mitch." And once someone told me they thought at first I was saying something else that rhymes w/Mitch when I talked to her. I literally felt nauseous that someone would think I had said that word. I think when I graduated from high school I could've counted on one hand the number of incidents in my life where I had said swear words, and most of them would've been when no one else could hear me. Yeah, I was an unusual child, I know, but it's a true story.
Anyway, that has changed drastically. I still do most of my swearing when no one else can hear me, but if I were trying to count how much I swear, I would soon lose track. And that scares me on some level, b/c I know that the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart, and I don't really want that stuff to be what's in my heart.
So hear's the question. Is it better that I let those things come out my mouth b/c they showed me what was in my heart that I really needed to address? Because now saying those words is a habit, and they come MUCH more easily than they did the first times I said them. Would it have been better to never have started saying them in the first place? Because I believe their roots would still have been in my heart, they just would have manifested themselves in other things besides swearing.
Of course that's a purely academic question, b/c I can't go back and change the past. The fact is that swearing is already a habit for me. Maybe a better question is if breaking that habit would be a benefit to my spiritual health or if I should deal EXCLUSIVELY w/the roots of the plants that bring forth the outward fruit of swearing.
The heart of the matter is what's the matter in my heart. It's the unjust anger, the lack of peace and contentment, the selfishness, the pride, and no doubt a host of other things that make me want to swear when something isn't going the way I want it to or the way I think it should. The more I think about it, the more I think those are really the things I should be devoting my time & energy to dealing with. I guess the best thing would be to take those things to God and hash through them in His Presence. Why do I become angry and petulant b/c of even minor inconveniences, like a slow driver in front of me? Why do I feel a compulsion to curse myself or some inanimate object when I drop something, when my books fall out of my backpack b/c I forgot to zip it up before I swung it onto my back, or some other trifling thing happens? Why can I be just so irritable in general?
Yeah, these are definitely questions to take to God. He will have the best answers, and He is the One Who can actually the change my heart. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old is gone; the new has come."
Funny thing is I didn't intend to write about my struggle w/swearing today. It's just what came up. Maybe that's what makes good blogging-- talking about whatever happens to come up. ;-)
Peace, y'all. Thanks for "listening."
But now I'm back home to find that my car that's been fixed twice still doesn't work properly. And I quickly lost my temper and said things I wouldn't want anyone to hear me say.
You know, when I was a kid I would NEVER swear. I remember when I was maybe eight or nine, I went through a phase of calling my younger sister Michele "Mitch." And once someone told me they thought at first I was saying something else that rhymes w/Mitch when I talked to her. I literally felt nauseous that someone would think I had said that word. I think when I graduated from high school I could've counted on one hand the number of incidents in my life where I had said swear words, and most of them would've been when no one else could hear me. Yeah, I was an unusual child, I know, but it's a true story.
Anyway, that has changed drastically. I still do most of my swearing when no one else can hear me, but if I were trying to count how much I swear, I would soon lose track. And that scares me on some level, b/c I know that the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart, and I don't really want that stuff to be what's in my heart.
So hear's the question. Is it better that I let those things come out my mouth b/c they showed me what was in my heart that I really needed to address? Because now saying those words is a habit, and they come MUCH more easily than they did the first times I said them. Would it have been better to never have started saying them in the first place? Because I believe their roots would still have been in my heart, they just would have manifested themselves in other things besides swearing.
Of course that's a purely academic question, b/c I can't go back and change the past. The fact is that swearing is already a habit for me. Maybe a better question is if breaking that habit would be a benefit to my spiritual health or if I should deal EXCLUSIVELY w/the roots of the plants that bring forth the outward fruit of swearing.
The heart of the matter is what's the matter in my heart. It's the unjust anger, the lack of peace and contentment, the selfishness, the pride, and no doubt a host of other things that make me want to swear when something isn't going the way I want it to or the way I think it should. The more I think about it, the more I think those are really the things I should be devoting my time & energy to dealing with. I guess the best thing would be to take those things to God and hash through them in His Presence. Why do I become angry and petulant b/c of even minor inconveniences, like a slow driver in front of me? Why do I feel a compulsion to curse myself or some inanimate object when I drop something, when my books fall out of my backpack b/c I forgot to zip it up before I swung it onto my back, or some other trifling thing happens? Why can I be just so irritable in general?
Yeah, these are definitely questions to take to God. He will have the best answers, and He is the One Who can actually the change my heart. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old is gone; the new has come."
Funny thing is I didn't intend to write about my struggle w/swearing today. It's just what came up. Maybe that's what makes good blogging-- talking about whatever happens to come up. ;-)
Peace, y'all. Thanks for "listening."
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Welcome back (to me)
Time for another new chapter in my life. The students are officially done for the 2008-2009 school year. It's all over but the paperwork, and that will be done soon, too.
It does sound crazy to quit your job before you have another. And the more times I talk about it, the more uncomfortable I feel. I guess I really do still care a lot about what other people think of me. I don't want people to think I'm irresponsible.
Even if I don't find a job, I get paid through the summer, and come fall I can sub if I don't have anything else. And next month I'm moving in w/a couple friends, which will cut my rent in half. So I'm not really being terribly irresponsible (meaning, I have a plan to not wind up homeless in six months).
But the next fear is that people will think I'm lazy or self-indulgent. Teaching is very demanding, especially emotionally, and that's really the biggest factor in why I won't be doing it next year. I have other things I want to do with my life-- things like music ministry, things like dating so I can hopefully some day get married & have a family. And while I'm teaching, I really don't have the emotional energy at the end of the day or the end of the week to invest in pursuing those things.
I grew up without the mindset of taking care of my own needs. For a VARIETY of reasons deeply rooted in my childhood & early adult life, it's more comfortable for me to "serve" or "minister" than to do nice things for myself. Serving and ministering are great things, but I know something is out of whack when I am resenting the people I am supposedly trying to serve. And it's not just psycho-babble that I have to take care of my own needs if I'm going to be able to help anyone else.
I find the difficulty in trying to change that ingrained mindset is where to draw the line. When have I truly crossed over into being lazy and self-centered? I don't know. I can tell myself I need to have at least a few minutes to chill & relax every day; I can tell myself that it's better in the long run if I take time to exercise; I can tell myself that taking a day off and paying for a massage every couple months isn't something to be ashamed of. And I believe those things more than I did five years ago. But the persistent doubts still pester me. "Am I going too far?"
Here's another good one: "Am I going to miss out on my dreams b/c I spent two hours watching TV last night instead of practicing my music?" That sounds so stupid, but those thoughts do run through my head. And in my head it's not so obvious how stupid they are, so they often start to take root. Well, I see this is going to require more time to explore than I can take tonight, so I will close, with the intention of revisiting some of these ideas.
Peace.
It does sound crazy to quit your job before you have another. And the more times I talk about it, the more uncomfortable I feel. I guess I really do still care a lot about what other people think of me. I don't want people to think I'm irresponsible.
Even if I don't find a job, I get paid through the summer, and come fall I can sub if I don't have anything else. And next month I'm moving in w/a couple friends, which will cut my rent in half. So I'm not really being terribly irresponsible (meaning, I have a plan to not wind up homeless in six months).
But the next fear is that people will think I'm lazy or self-indulgent. Teaching is very demanding, especially emotionally, and that's really the biggest factor in why I won't be doing it next year. I have other things I want to do with my life-- things like music ministry, things like dating so I can hopefully some day get married & have a family. And while I'm teaching, I really don't have the emotional energy at the end of the day or the end of the week to invest in pursuing those things.
I grew up without the mindset of taking care of my own needs. For a VARIETY of reasons deeply rooted in my childhood & early adult life, it's more comfortable for me to "serve" or "minister" than to do nice things for myself. Serving and ministering are great things, but I know something is out of whack when I am resenting the people I am supposedly trying to serve. And it's not just psycho-babble that I have to take care of my own needs if I'm going to be able to help anyone else.
I find the difficulty in trying to change that ingrained mindset is where to draw the line. When have I truly crossed over into being lazy and self-centered? I don't know. I can tell myself I need to have at least a few minutes to chill & relax every day; I can tell myself that it's better in the long run if I take time to exercise; I can tell myself that taking a day off and paying for a massage every couple months isn't something to be ashamed of. And I believe those things more than I did five years ago. But the persistent doubts still pester me. "Am I going too far?"
Here's another good one: "Am I going to miss out on my dreams b/c I spent two hours watching TV last night instead of practicing my music?" That sounds so stupid, but those thoughts do run through my head. And in my head it's not so obvious how stupid they are, so they often start to take root. Well, I see this is going to require more time to explore than I can take tonight, so I will close, with the intention of revisiting some of these ideas.
Peace.
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