A new outlet for writing online!

My entries here may become more sporadic because I have been hired by www.examiner.com to write at least 4 articles a week as the Wichita Evangelical Examiner! Very exciting, I know. And in only 5 days, I've already earned $1.30! So it's not a job that's going to pay all my bills, but it's fun and an exciting new opportunity to connect w/new people.

Anyway, check out my articles here: tinyurl.com/mattgray

Maybe I will try to duplicate all my articles here on the blog, too, but I'm making no promises.

If any of you are interested in becoming an examiner in your city, email me (matt@twomitesministries.org) and I'll send you a video that shows how to put down that I referred you so that I get a bonus! Thanks!

Have a great day, y'all. Peace.

New Opportunity!

Welcome back, everyone! I don't know why I said that; you probably didn't actually go anywhere.

Anyway, I am no longer completely unemployed! I have a new job that takes "on average 3-6 hours a week." And I have no idea how much it pays! But it's a job, right?

Well, I'm sure it won't support the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed (anything higher than living under a bridge), but it's something that I think will be very fun, so that is why I am excited about it.

OK! Enough suspense-building already! Here it is:

I am the "Wichita Evangelical Examiner" at www.examiner.com

You don't know what that means? Of course you don't! So I will tell you. This website has 90 cities in the US in which they hire "examiners" to post articles about a specific topic. The articles are supposed to be specifically relevant to the city they are in. I am still going through the process of getting everything approved & set up, but when I go live, I think this is the address you'll find me at:

http://www.examiner.com/x-17356-Wichita-Evangelical-Examiner

So come visit! Choose me as your favorite examiner! Subscribe to me! Actually I don't know what it means to subscribe to a specific examiner, but I guess I get paid more if people do it. As I get into this thing and learn more about how it works, I will have to let you know more.

Have a great day!

Over the hump

Yesterday I felt like I achieved critical mass in getting settled into my new place. Suddenly it's not overwhelming; it feels like I can finish unpacking and organizing without having to stop everything else in my life. It's really more psychological than anything; it probably has something to do with the fact that I only spent two hours on it yesterday, and it made a world of difference. Now I can actually sit at my desk and accomplish things (I'm sitting at it right now!!!!), and my bedroom looks more or less like a bedroom that someone lives in, not one that was recently ransacked or hit by a typhoon.

So now I feel much more encouraged about pursuing some other goals, too. I've been entering some songwriting contests recently. One is part of a Gospel Music Association conference I'll be attending in Nashville at the end of this month, so I am much more motivated to practice those songs, in case one of them makes it to the finals and I have to (get to) perform it live!

I also have the goal of getting back in touch with certain people-- my prayer partners, some personal friends, etc. It's so easy to sit for a couple hours on the computer, then realize that I didn't do the things that were most important. So emailing is at the top of the list again. Because, really, my own relationships are a lot more important than checking three times a day to see what was said at the Sotomayor confirmation hearings, watching a video to see how well Obama did at throwing out the opening pitch at the All-Star game, reading about the trash-talking that's going on in the UFC, or any of the other earth-shattering events that yahoo thinks are so important.

I will say, of course Sotomayor's confirmation IS a significant issue that I should be aware of and do have opinions about, but the number of times I read about it or watch videos of it each day is NOT going to impact the outcome. And, honestly, I think the outcome has been certain for days (if not weeks). Does anyone sincerely believe there is a chance she will NOT be confirmed? Her confirmation seems more of a foregone conclusion than Obama's election was in late October.

So how did I get on the subject of politics? I could devote many full-fledged posts to political topics. Maybe next time. For now, I will close.

Peace.

Lovely evening

Tonight one of my roommates is trying out his new grill. And I am reaping ALL the benefits!!!! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

And I actually got my desk organized so that I can sit at it and do things! And I actually straightened things up in my room enough that a person can comfortably walk around w/o tiptoeing around boxes everywhere. It's not much, but it makes me feel more settled here in my new place.

Well, the burgers are almost ready, so I am going to close! Peace, everybody.

Finally Home

It's amazing how quickly a month can go by without blogging. Especially when that month includes two trips out of town and moving to a new place.

Last month I went to Wisconsin to see my cousin graduate from high school. Since I was up there and so was my sister, I took advantage of the opportunity to ride home with her and see the place she & my brother-in-law moved into a few months back when they left Michigan for Indiana. So that was a week-and-a-half of fun family time. My sister & brother-in-law are renting a nice house while they make plans on buying a house of their own in the area.

One funny incident while I was there: I realized on Monday (my first day there) while they were both at work that their wireless internet wasn't working. Three days and several phone calls later, Tim noticed that there was a cable outside the house that had been cut. They are the first people to live in the house, and apparently the cable never got buried after the house was built, so when the guys came to mow the lawn, they ran it over!

So besides being a funny story, that is a great excuse why I didn't blog the week I was there.

Then upon returning to Wichita, I began in earnest making the arrangements to leave my lonely apartment and move into a house across town with a couple friends from church. The whole moving process is always quite an ordeal, and this time did not disappoint in that aspect. The week I happened to be moving included a mission trip, a church conference, and two weddings that many friends were obligated to and oral surgery for another friend on the day I moved. So finding help was a little more difficult than usual, to say the least.

For some reason, still unknown to me, I decided to rent a van and do the bulk of the moving on a Thursday. I wound up w/one person helping me from 12 to 2 and two others who couldn't help till between 3 & 4 in the afternoon. Sitting alone in my apartment at 2:30 w/the van almost loaded, but not able to finish by myself, I was totally kicking myself for not waiting till Saturday when most people wouldn't be working. "Why did I do this?!?" I cried out in a very frustrated manner. "Why didn't You prevent me from making this foolish choice, God?"

But the other two friends showed up and we got most of the stuff moved-- as much as would fit in the van I rented plus some more in the cars. And, as usual, God did work things out in mysterious ways that I don't understand, even though I didn't realize it at the time. I decided I would just get a couple friends who had said they were sorry they couldn't help on Thursday b/c of work, and we would finish moving the rest on Saturday morning. Well, b/c of the above-mentioned activities that weekend, I wound up with NO help on Saturday. Think if I had rented the van to move the furniture on Saturday! I would have been in BIG trouble.

So anyway, I have no idea why I rented the van for Thursday, but now I see that was God watching out for me, not just my foolish choice.

And this past weekend of Independence Day, I rode w/my parents down to Hot Springs AR for a family reunion at my aunt & uncle's. They have a house on a lake there, and it was a wonderfully relaxing time. As mementos, I have sore muscles from tubing and possibly the most interestingly-shaped sunburns I've seen. I was very excited about this new concept of spray-on sunscreen, but I guess I got a little TOO excited and wasn't diligent about covering ALL parts of my legs or stomach or shoulders or arms. They were some pretty hardcore burns, too, so I'm sure the results will be visible on my skin all summer long. Live and learn, I guess!

So I'm home!!!!! Next comes the conclusion of the wonderfully enjoyable activity of unpacking and settling in. Talk to you all again soon.

Peace.

The Bottom Line

Years ago I read "Blue like Jazz" by Donald Miller. Great book, but I don't remember everything from it. This past week a friend told me about an interview w/the late Bill Bright (founder and long-time president of Campus Crusade) that is described in the book.

Bright was asked what Jesus meant to him. Bright started to cry and could not answer.

That's the kind of relationship w/Jesus that I need.

Blah

I was thinking yesterday that Tiller would be a good topic for today's blog entry. But I so don't have the energy to go into that right now, so maybe another day.

Last week was my "stay-cation." I decided to put off all cleaning & working that I could until today and not feel guilty about it! Which was actually pretty hard b/c my bathroom & kitchen are both overdue to be cleaned and my living room is full of boxes of stuff I brought home from school.

Plus I have been planning to start writing more songs, making calls to book concerts this summer, looking for a job and generally organizing all the clutter in my apartment so that I can keep on top of my goals & priorities more easily in the future (and make my move at the end of this month easier). So there is a lot I want to get done this week. But apparently it is not meant to be today.

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday (Happy Birthday, Dad!), so we were going to spend an afternoon hanging out sometime this week. Last night he called and asked if today would work. I had no definite plans until 4, so I agreed. Unfortunately he was feeling pretty ill this morning, so we weren't able to go out to lunch when I got to my parents' house. He was able to eat something at home a little later, and a little while after that we went out to rent a DVD, so we were still able to hang out some, but not as much or as "quality" as I had expected.

So it's been a good day, but I just have the lethargic feeling that comes from a day of not doing any of the things that I had been planning to do. At least that how that affects me.

I guess that's really about it, so I'm out!

Snapshot

OK, I'm going to try to list all the things that are going on in my life right now. Hopefully if I write them all, they will be more organized in my mind. We'll see.

I desperately need to clean my car and my apartment, especially the bathroom & kitchen. I need to organize my apartment, especially since I am planning to move in a month. I have lots of stacks of papers sitting around that are things I need to deal with. My goal here is to prioritize what things are most important, what things are less important, and what things I shouldn't even waste time thinking about.

My goal in quitting teaching this year was to have more time and energy to devote to several other things. One main thing was music ministry-- writing music, practicing music and networking so I have more chances to share my music. Most of the other things revolve around taking better care of myself so I am able to do more for God-- healthy sleep, eating & exercise habits; more time in the Word & in prayer; more reading & journaling to increase emotional health & stability. Those are really some hefty plans. And following through on them requires not only commitment, but also wisdom to know the most effective and efficient ways to pursue those goals; for example: What exercise habits will be most healthy? What books should I read? And so on.

And of course, there is the fact that I will need income before my summer pay runs out. So in the midst of preparing for music ministry opportunities, pursuing those opportunities, establishing healthier life habits, de-cluttering my life, and preparing to move, I also need to start looking for actual employment. So add that to the list.

Well, I've already decided that this week is a week to chill out & not push myself to get a lot of things done, a week to recover from the whole school year. So the next couple days are a perfect time to think & pray about these issues and make plans for the next few weeks.

OK, I'm off to finish up the last of the last things at school. I will be turning in my laptop & my keys & checking out for good. Then the new chapter can truly start! I am ready to put the last chapter behind me!

Peace, y'all.

Terminator/Star Trek **SPOILER ALERT**

I went to the drive in theatre last night w/some friends after getting back from our church group retreat that afternoon. We saw Terminator: Salvation and Start Trek (but left before Ghosts of Girlfriends Past showed). I really enjoyed both of the movies we saw.

I think Terminator had a really good message of what it is that makes us human-- things like compassion and the power to choose what kind of people we will be, which "side" we will be on, if you will. Not to mention the themes of second chances (redemption) and sacrificing one's self for others.

I also enjoyed Star Trek. I'm certainly not a Trekkie, so "true fans" may disagree w/me, but I thought the plot line they chose was brilliant. It allowed the writers to make a prequel and explore the origins of the characters and relationships we are so familiar with, but also opened up the door for them to have complete freedom to change many of the facts from the TV series and previous movies. This made the plot much less predictable than a typical prequel. I was thinking, "Well, they can't destroy Vulcan b/c Spock is on Vulcan in Star Trek III, I'm pretty sure." And also, "Spock's mom must be saved somehow, b/c I KNOW she is in some of the movies." But thanks to their clever twist of plot, I WAS WRONG!!

Anyway, I thought that was very smart of them b/c it leaves the door open for them to go in whatever direction they want w/future movies in the franchise. They really aren't limited now by anything that's happened in the earlier-made movies b/c they are in a different "time stream."

BRILLIANT!

Well, hope you enjoyed my brief movie reviews here; it was nice to write about something besides myself! ;-)

Peace.

Back from Retreat to my Old Self

Just got back from a great retreat. Heard great teachings on intimacy w/God through personal prayer times, The Lord is my Refuge, the importance of sharing my faith w/others, and surrendering to God's plans. Great time w/friends.

But now I'm back home to find that my car that's been fixed twice still doesn't work properly. And I quickly lost my temper and said things I wouldn't want anyone to hear me say.

You know, when I was a kid I would NEVER swear. I remember when I was maybe eight or nine, I went through a phase of calling my younger sister Michele "Mitch." And once someone told me they thought at first I was saying something else that rhymes w/Mitch when I talked to her. I literally felt nauseous that someone would think I had said that word. I think when I graduated from high school I could've counted on one hand the number of incidents in my life where I had said swear words, and most of them would've been when no one else could hear me. Yeah, I was an unusual child, I know, but it's a true story.

Anyway, that has changed drastically. I still do most of my swearing when no one else can hear me, but if I were trying to count how much I swear, I would soon lose track. And that scares me on some level, b/c I know that the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart, and I don't really want that stuff to be what's in my heart.

So hear's the question. Is it better that I let those things come out my mouth b/c they showed me what was in my heart that I really needed to address? Because now saying those words is a habit, and they come MUCH more easily than they did the first times I said them. Would it have been better to never have started saying them in the first place? Because I believe their roots would still have been in my heart, they just would have manifested themselves in other things besides swearing.

Of course that's a purely academic question, b/c I can't go back and change the past. The fact is that swearing is already a habit for me. Maybe a better question is if breaking that habit would be a benefit to my spiritual health or if I should deal EXCLUSIVELY w/the roots of the plants that bring forth the outward fruit of swearing.

The heart of the matter is what's the matter in my heart. It's the unjust anger, the lack of peace and contentment, the selfishness, the pride, and no doubt a host of other things that make me want to swear when something isn't going the way I want it to or the way I think it should. The more I think about it, the more I think those are really the things I should be devoting my time & energy to dealing with. I guess the best thing would be to take those things to God and hash through them in His Presence. Why do I become angry and petulant b/c of even minor inconveniences, like a slow driver in front of me? Why do I feel a compulsion to curse myself or some inanimate object when I drop something, when my books fall out of my backpack b/c I forgot to zip it up before I swung it onto my back, or some other trifling thing happens? Why can I be just so irritable in general?

Yeah, these are definitely questions to take to God. He will have the best answers, and He is the One Who can actually the change my heart. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old is gone; the new has come."

Funny thing is I didn't intend to write about my struggle w/swearing today. It's just what came up. Maybe that's what makes good blogging-- talking about whatever happens to come up. ;-)

Peace, y'all. Thanks for "listening."

Welcome back (to me)

Time for another new chapter in my life. The students are officially done for the 2008-2009 school year. It's all over but the paperwork, and that will be done soon, too.

It does sound crazy to quit your job before you have another. And the more times I talk about it, the more uncomfortable I feel. I guess I really do still care a lot about what other people think of me. I don't want people to think I'm irresponsible.

Even if I don't find a job, I get paid through the summer, and come fall I can sub if I don't have anything else. And next month I'm moving in w/a couple friends, which will cut my rent in half. So I'm not really being terribly irresponsible (meaning, I have a plan to not wind up homeless in six months).

But the next fear is that people will think I'm lazy or self-indulgent. Teaching is very demanding, especially emotionally, and that's really the biggest factor in why I won't be doing it next year. I have other things I want to do with my life-- things like music ministry, things like dating so I can hopefully some day get married & have a family. And while I'm teaching, I really don't have the emotional energy at the end of the day or the end of the week to invest in pursuing those things.

I grew up without the mindset of taking care of my own needs. For a VARIETY of reasons deeply rooted in my childhood & early adult life, it's more comfortable for me to "serve" or "minister" than to do nice things for myself. Serving and ministering are great things, but I know something is out of whack when I am resenting the people I am supposedly trying to serve. And it's not just psycho-babble that I have to take care of my own needs if I'm going to be able to help anyone else.

I find the difficulty in trying to change that ingrained mindset is where to draw the line. When have I truly crossed over into being lazy and self-centered? I don't know. I can tell myself I need to have at least a few minutes to chill & relax every day; I can tell myself that it's better in the long run if I take time to exercise; I can tell myself that taking a day off and paying for a massage every couple months isn't something to be ashamed of. And I believe those things more than I did five years ago. But the persistent doubts still pester me. "Am I going too far?"

Here's another good one: "Am I going to miss out on my dreams b/c I spent two hours watching TV last night instead of practicing my music?" That sounds so stupid, but those thoughts do run through my head. And in my head it's not so obvious how stupid they are, so they often start to take root. Well, I see this is going to require more time to explore than I can take tonight, so I will close, with the intention of revisiting some of these ideas.

Peace.